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Sunday’s All Hallow’s Eve event was a wonderful showing of Christ Church’s hospitality. Ed and Lynne Turner, along with a host of volunteers, knocked it out of the park. It was the largest event of its kind we’ve ever had, and it seems we caught the attention of some families, who see an ongoing, concerted effort to show that we want them here and have something to offer. It really was a great evening – and thank you to all of you who worked to make it happen or attended. Don’t forget to join us this Sunday for our All Saints Cemetery Walk (and the potluck before) for another great and moving event.
Sticking with All Hallows Eve for a moment, one of the lovely moments of follow-up came from a note we received from a parent who wanted to commend the young people – the teenagers – who were helping us with the event. She acknowledged that she knew some were our teens, and some were helping to receive community service credit for the National Honor Society. She was specific in pointing out how welcoming they were to the kids and how well they treated them. It was a good mix of “our kids” and NHS kids, and I have to agree. Although we’ve used NHS kids and pirates in the past – and the teens are almost always wonderful – this was a particularly good group, and they were essential to making it such a good event. We passed the good word back through the NHS advisor, and we’ll let our youth group know about it as well.
I still have a teenager at home for now, although she’ll be headed off to college in the fall. I tend to think she’s a pretty good kid, and I thought the same about her sister when she was a teenager, yet it’s always nice to hear compliments from others. In actuality, sometimes other people get to see the best side of our kids because they aren’t always “on” at home. Because they are comfortable, they might not toe the line or use their best manners the way they do with others. I’m the same way, when I’m honest. In some circles teenagers get a bad rap, which is often quite unfair.
Teenagers have always been a mixed bag for some adults. I was a teenager, and I’m guessing some of you were, too. I can remember the stupid things I did, the fights with my parents, and the back and forth of learning independence while navigating authority structures. I was a good kid, but I was also liable to do all the teenager-y things teenagers do. As I reflect on my teen years and compare them to my kids, one overarching reality stands out. As much as we may have in common, teenagers' lives are very different in so many ways. Sometimes I don’t think we give them the benefit of the doubt when they deserve at least that, and a whole lot more.
I sometimes roll my eyes (like a teenager?) when I hear the “kids these days” kinds of comments. Maybe it's because they have technology almost sewed to their hands, or because they don’t do all the things we did as teenagers. But the technology thing isn’t the same as playing video games all the time. That technology may be an attractive nuisance, but it has also come at a cost, as we are learning. It’s not completely “their fault”. It was introduced and has become pervasive in ways they didn't choose. We might be better off worrying about younger generations and their technology issues, rather than shaming them for it.
I am also keenly aware that any complaints about how little teens do these days probably come from someone who doesn’t know many teens. Y’all, teenagers today are running at a near-burnout pace most of the time. The pressure for college admissions means taking far more challenging classes (AP and dual-enrollment) than anyone I went to school with, including those who went to top schools. The demands for extracurriculars are also pretty steep, and when you already have a huge study workload, that can mean little downtime. Kids get busier a lot younger, but by the time you are doing sports, music, dance, or whatever it may be at the high school level, it can really take over your life. Our kids have been in the marching band, and it’s no joke. The hours of rehearsals, the weekend competitions, and the concerts are huge commitments. More than a few days every week, kids who do sports and other activities don’t get home from school to start studying until 9 pm. Throw a weekend travel game or competition into that, and I really don’t know how they manage to write papers and study, hold part-time jobs, or show up to church.
I suspect this reality is not unrelated to the epidemic of childhood and teen anxiety. At least one in five teens reports mental health problems, and research suggests it skews towards kids on these advanced tracks. Our most promising and high-achieving students often go without sleep and any kind of downtime, which would knock most of us out of commission regularly, with no end in sight. I don’t know what the solution is, but I hope it can change. I sometimes tell parents of younger children to avoid falling into the travel sports circus too early if they can help it. Coaches and directors often have little sympathy for busy kids running at a near-burnout pace. I have noticed that some teachers do, but they also have their own pressure to perform in the classroom and get through the syllabus.
We need our teens to be good people, to respect their elders, and to be as responsible as teenagers can be. Still, we also need to do a better job lifting them up, letting them know we see them working so diligently, and cheering them on however we can. The fact that any high schooler manages to show up to acolyte, youth group, or one of our programs is a minor miracle. That they can do it with a smile on their face, with real devotion to kindness and a faithful spirit, is amazing.
I’m so glad that we received that lovely feedback about the teens who turned out on Sunday. It reminds me that I have an important role in my own house to remind my teen of all the wonderful things she does, not just point out the balls she drops – a role I think I fulfill adequately but could always do better. When you see a teen doing their best, thank them for trying, and encourage them for all that they manage to juggle. It’s a tough season of life – tougher than most of us reading this rambling had to face as teens. I, for one, am hopeful about our future because I have had the chance to see so many teenagers in action. I don’t want to hand them the reins just yet, but I won’t hesitate to entrust them with them, knowing they will work hard, be faithful in their commitment to others, and hopefully find ways to ease others' burdens. In the meantime, I hope they can get a day off now and again and recharge their batteries. I also hope they get some high fives along the way, so feel free to give some next time you see one.
And, one last thought: with the challenges facing teens today, and from personal experience, I know how hard it is to parent teens. It’s always been hard, but it has gotten harder in some ways. Just know, parents, you are seen too, and you get the high fives as well. Keep up the good and loving work.
