“I’m sorry I am late to the meeting. I had a peanut butter accident.” It was so embarrassing; I couldn’t even say those words. So I didn’t say anything – I just apologized for being late. Who has peanut butter accidents? And what is a peanut butter accident? I wouldn’t have known if I didn’t have one myself. I suppose I should explain. It was all due to running late, and as you know, whenever you’re already running late, nothing goes as it should. Those are the moments you can’t find your keys, or when you get behind that person who won’t even approach the speed limit. It was one of those occasions.

So I was already running late – almost late. I knew I was cutting it close. I had to get from Christ Church to St. Mark’s for the monthly Clericus meeting (clergy gathering for the Southeast Convocation), and by my clock it was going to be close. I had to run home and drop off Scarlette, who spends a fair amount of time in my office these days. It was a toss up whether I should stop and get something from Zaxby’s or save some money and throw together a brown bag lunch. I elected for the latter. I knew we had a few things ready to go – it would probably be faster and cheaper to take a lunch from home, so that’s what I set out to do.

I had about four minutes to throw this together. First up was the cauliflower salad (It’s just like potato salad, only made with cauliflower instead. I HIGHLY recommend it!) I put some into a plastic container, and of course couldn’t find the matching lid

amongst the huddled masses of plastic ware in our drawer. Great. Thirty seconds wasted, at least, looking for a lid before I found it. Next up was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I know, “But Father Tom doesn’t eat sugar,” you’re thinking. We use a sugar free jelly we found online and love. And our peanut butter is a natural peanut butter with very little sugar…but enough about that. I got out the jelly. Wouldn’t you know it – there wasn’t enough jelly left in the jar to cover the slice of bread. There goes another twenty-five seconds to get out a new jar. But that wasn’t the bad part.

That natural peanut butter we use is, well, natural, so it separates easily. This particular jar was nearly full, which is when the separation is worse. After you’ve used it and stirred it together a few times it tends to stay mixed. If I would have thought about it and not been in a rush, I would have thought about what that means. But I didn’t. I was in a hurry. So I wrenched off the lid quickly, and as I did, a huge glob of peanut oil came sloshing out the top of the jar and onto the plate and the counter. No good. I wasn’t going to make it before my four minute deadline. The sandwich I had made so far was ruined. I’m all for peanut

butter, but I had no desire to eat bread soaked in peanut oil. I had to put that into the trash and get a new plate, and then wipe up the counter. At least a good sixty more seconds or so. If it was close before, it was now unlikely that I could make it to Brunswick on time. So, in order to clean up the counter well, I turned on the lights I had previously left off – it would have taken me a few seconds I initially couldn’t spare to turn them on. I started wiping up the spill when I realize that no only did I get it on the plate and the counter, but when it hit those, it splashed onto my khakis. Not just a little bit, either, but four big streaks of it, covering most of the length of my thigh.

Now, your Rector is not typically given to profanity. But, I’m pretty sure there was some cussing involved. I’m like that sweet older woman, Gladys, who used to call in to the Ellen DeGeneres Show who was so honest about life she was funny. One day she told Ellen, “I love Jesus, but I drink a little.” I think that was a qualification for her tradition. Not so much for ours, but cussing might still be a qualification in ours. That’s me. I love Jesus, but I cuss a little. I just saw they put that line on a t-shirt. Maybe I should get one. Anyway, back to the story.

This is the moment when you don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Clearly I was going to have to change my pants, and I hadn’t even finished making my lunch! Whatever hope I had of being on time was long gone – now my goal was going to be to try to arrive no more than ‘fashionably late’. I managed to throw together my sandwich, get it in a plastic container with a readily located matching lid, throw in a container of kale tortilla chips left over from our 20 minute beach trip snack bag from the day before (thank you rain), put it all in one of my girls’ animal lunch bags from the National Zoo (this one was a panda bear), and grab a can of sparkling water. I ran up the stairs (which is normal) and hoped that I had another pair of pants ready to go. I do my own ironing, but usually on an as-needed basis. (I have yet to find a pair of no-iron pants that really are no-iron.) But, God was merciful, and I found a pair of pants with an acceptable level of wrinkle, swapped them out and ran down the stairs again. Somehow I managed to NOT forget to grab the lunch as I ran out the garage door, and I was off.

But if I had said, “I had a peanut butter accident,” no one would have had any idea what I was talking about. And it’s an embarrassing story I didn’t really want to share with anyone. So I didn’t say anything. I just sat down and gave my apologies. The meeting continued, no one the wiser to my woes.

Friends, life is crazy, isn’t it? Particularly if we’re the one living it. Some of our experiences can’t be translated well enough for others to understand. But, when I was done fussing to myself about my poor luck and how everything bad happens to me, I thanked God that I had a lunch, and another pair of pants, and a meeting of colleagues to go to. God surely understands my little peanut butter accident, which is trivial as trivial can be; but God understands it, and better yet, understands me. And for that too, I was grateful. No matter what happens in life, we don’t go it alone, and there is almost always something we can give thanks for. Remember that next time you’re having one of those days when you’re running late, or moaning because it’s raining AGAIN. And take it from me; be careful with the peanut butter from now on.

Tom+

O God of Love, we yield thee thanks for whatsoever thou hast given us richly to enjoy, for health and vigor, for the love and care of home, for joys of friendship, and for every good gift of happiness and strength. We praise thee for all thy servants who by their example and encouragement have helped us on our way, and for every vision of thyself which thou hast given us in sacrament of prayer; and we humbly beseech thee that all these thy benefits we may use in thy service and to the glory of thy Holy Name; through Jesus Christ, thy Son, our Lord. Amen.