In the Wednesday Men’s group, we’ve been reading Richard Rohr’s daily Lenten meditations. As we are wont to do, we often stray a bit as one topic of conversation springboards us into another. This week, the unexpected but fruitful conversation evolved around what happens to us when we die. The meditation for one of the previous days had tackled the concept of continuity between this world and the next.

The scripture passage that Rohr was reflecting on was the one about Lazarus and the rich man.  You’ll remember that in the story, after both have died, Lazarus is in heaven in Abraham’s bosom, and the rich man is in hell in torment. To his immortal chagrin, the rich man learns that his inability to cross the chasm of compassion in this world means it won’t be crossed in the next. In the story, and in Rohr’s reflection, it’s a cautionary tale. As such, our conversation drifted easily into understanding how God redeems and forgives us and how that equates to our eternal disposition. 

From there we noted Rohr’s quote from “the saints,” “No one is going to be surprised in eternity!” I actually think we will be surprised, most likely by God’s grace, but that’s not where things got really interesting. I shared that I had just watched a mini-documentary the night before about a couple in Oregon that chose the “Death with Dignity” option in that state to end their lives together. Both the husband and wife, in their late 80s, had been given prognoses of less than six months to live. They went through the process for physicians to certify their health, go through a waiting period, and whatever else they had to do to be cleared for the medication they would take to end their lives. 

In the documentary, made by one of the couple’s daughters, the wife shared how she was excited to see what would come next and how she hoped she was right. There was an element of expectation of surprise. It was her assertion of excitement about what comes next and the element of surprise that drove my connection to the documentary, however, we quickly realized that the group had questions and wonderings about end of life issues, which include the degree to which we can and should consider ways to end suffering, our own or others’.

We touched on the quality vs. quantity debate, noted Hospice options, which can be much more humane than hospital-style life at all costs treatment. We discussed how and when one would determine that suicide would not be in conflict with the will of God for God’s children. We noted the diseases and situations that terrify us, and when we would not want to suffer or to have our families suffer unnecessarily. We also noted the redemptive quality inherent in suffering, wondering where the line was, nonetheless, between normal suffering and torment. We discussed how to have these difficult conversations with our families and how to make our wishes known. A lot of people have living wills and medical powers of attorney which provide instructions about our wishes for certain kinds of care, but many people haven’t even done that yet. 

All of this is to say that it was an interesting, emotional, and heartfelt conversation that I found very useful. I noted that the Church has not always done a good job of talking through these things well. Our current Final Chapters classes address some of these issues, but I recognize that we can do more. I also realized, based on a question raised in our discussion, that we might be able to learn how to die well based on whether or not we live well. The decisions we make about quality and quantity are easier if we are able to focus on our blessings and what we have, rather than what we don’t; what we’ve enjoyed, rather than what we might give up. At what point can we look at our lives and say that we’ve had enough good that we don’t have to do whatever it takes and spend whatever it takes to wring out the last drops of life. If we are truly content, perhaps we can reach a point where we admit that we can go naturally, without all the fuss? It seems that this is a lesson we can benefit from while we are still very much alive. 

I hope to find ways to continue this conversation on a wider scale, and I will touch on some of it at the Final Chapters class when we discuss heaven and hell. In the meantime, I will offer this to you. If you find yourself thinking about final things, the end of your life, or the end of the life of a spouse or a parent, and you want to talk it through, call your clergy and let us walk that journey with you. There are a lot of questions that don’t have right or wrong answers, if they have answers at all, yet there’s no need to wrestle with them on our own. None of us knows exactly what waits for us in the next life, and I imagine we will be surprised to some degree, simply because we don’t have a reference for what to expect. But, our God is a God of compassion, and our Lord is the Lord of Life, which means we need not be afraid. That’s enough for today, even as we wonder and make plans for what comes next. 

Tom+

Father of all, we pray to you for those we love, but see no longer: Grant them your peace; let light perpetual shine upon them; and, in your loving wisdom and almighty power, work in them the good purpose of your perfect will; through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.