“I don't know if I believe God still does miracles, so I wont be expecting cancer to just disappear from my body. Does that make me a bad Christian? I don't know. But I think it makes me real.” The person who said this to me truly wondered if something was wrong with his faith. A friend of his had tried to tell him not to worry about his cancer, but to trust in God and God would take care of it. But he didn’t buy what his friend was selling. And because of that, he was concerned that he didn’t really believe in God and what God can do.

My immediate response was to tell a story. That’s often what I do. I told

one of my favorite stories about the old man who wouldn't leave his house despite the warnings about a major flood headed his way. When the local rescue squad came by in their jeep to get him to safety, he said, "No, thank you. God will save me." The jeep drove away. After the water was up to the first level, a flatboat came by to pluck him off the porch roof, but h e declined, saying, "No thank you, God will save me." The boat motored away. When the water was up to his roofline and he was hanging on to the chimney, a Coast Guard helicopter came and dropped a basket. The old man waved them away and shouted out, "No thank you, God will save me!" The helicopter flew away. As you might guess, the water continued to rise and the old man drowned. And when he got to heaven he met God and said, "God - I prayed and trusted in you that you were going to save me. How could you possibly leave me to die like that?" And God looked at the man a moment before he said, "What did you want? I sent a jeep, a boat, and a helicopter!"

There is a tension as we try to discern if, when, and how God will act in response to our prayers. In our collective experience God doesn’t typically respond they way we want when it comes to our prayers for miracles. I’m sure almost everyone who has had cancer, for example, has asked God to take way the tumors at least once. Some of the folks asking have had an incredibly strong faith, and yet, the vast majority of them did not see a tumor disappear overnight. Perhaps we shouldn’t worry too much about the fine details of God’s miraculous ways.

We can trust in God's goodness without expecting “a miracle”. God's goodness and love; God's healing Spirit is present in the hands of the doctors and nurses who care for people, and in the scientists and lab workers who make drugs. Expecting the “big miracle,” when the tumor disappears, will leave 99% of us disappointed and angry with God or feeling like we’re deficient in some way. Recognizing God’s healing presence in other ways is much healthier and life-giving, and more in line with the ways God tends to work. The floodwaters probably won’t part, but a boat might come. The tumor might not disappear overnight, but with surgery and treatment, many people become cancer survivors. Is it any less miraculous that we humans have found ways to do such things?

My understanding of God's presence and activity in the world is that God is very present with us through the Spirit. God gifted humanity with the ability to think and reason and harness the elements and physics of our world to do good things. (Those same gifts have led to much that is not good as well…) If we truly have free will, as our Anglican theology proclaims, it means that God doesn't mess with our choices; with whether we turn left or right at an intersection; who we meet; whether we get cancer, etc. Instead, God is present, and we can learn from that presence when we are in tune with God via the Holy Spirit. We can make good things happen after tragedy, not because it was God's specific plan, but because God makes all things new if we're willing to work with God on that process.

Trusting in God does not mean expecting "the miracle". Instead it means trusting that God is present, and bigger than we are, and stronger than we are, and able to absorb the things we can't handle. Leaving things like anger and fear with God is really helpful, if we can find a way to do it. One of my favorite verses is Matthew 11:18-30: "Come to me all who labor and are heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." We can find rest in God by giving the things that are too heavy for us to God. That doesn't mean that we forgo the chemo or the helicopter. It means that we do what needs to be done, and take opportunities that come our way, and then let go of all the other stuff that we don't have to carry. That is probably where our prayer lives will flourish. Not, "I trust you to make this go away", but "I trust that you won't go away". That’ the most real prayer I can think of.

Tom+

O God, the source of all health: So fill my heart with faith in your love, that with calm expectancy I may make room for your power to posses me, and gracefully accept your healing; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.