I have discovered a liability to video rector’s ramblings. It triggers my pride and my vanity. As they say, “the camera adds ten pounds.” As I crossed the 40 year old barrier this year, I don’t need help with added pounds. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t stand in front of the mirror admiring myself, but watching myself on video, I had one of those moments: “Is that really what I look like?” And of course, the answer is yes and no. If I think I look that way, I do. But someone else might see me differently.

I have had a few occasions in my life to suddenly catch a glimpse of myself through other people’s eyes. The first was way back when I was still loading trailers at UPS. I was a recent high school graduate and I was working in a trailer with another loader. Rick, the sort manager, the big dog, was making the rounds with his entourage. Rick was an intimidating man, despite his small stature. He was a Vietnam vet who had served in the Marines and he carried that vibe.  He would have looked natural dressed like Arnold Schwarzenegger in an 80s action movie with the camouflage, cigar in the corner of his mouth, and a pair of bandoliers across his chest. And Rick didn’t talk, he yelled.  

So as we nervously loaded the trailer, knowing Rick was out there, I heard him bellow, “Tell that tall skinny kid come out here.” When my part-time supervisor called out, “Purdy, come here!”, I hesitated. Was I the tall skinny guy? I had never thought of myself that way before. Sure I was six feet tall and maybe weighed 170 pounds, but I had never really considered myself tall and skinny. Despite my fear as I walked out the trailer, I remember thinking how strange it was to be identified that way. I know Rick scolded me for doing something wrong, but it was the other part of the event that stuck with me.

The other event happened when I was a parish intern in seminary during my field education requirement. I traveled an hour east to Chattanooga to serve at Grace Church for two years.  Some Sundays, Donna and I would poke around the city and enjoy the change of scenery. That meant taking a change of clothes and swapping out my suits for casual clothes. One Sunday, as I came out of the men’s restroom, a woman in the congregation greeted me, doing a double take. Then she said, “Oh, I didn’t recognize you without your collar on!” Only I had never worn a collar in my life. Just being a seminarian and serving up front, with no collar and no stole, was enough for her to see things in me that physically weren’t there. I can only imagine what else became attributable to me, as one studying for the priesthood.

I think of these two stories because they demonstrate how we can learn things about ourselves from the perception of others, because they can see things we can’t. But we can also get stuck with the stuff others put on us that don’t belong there and often aren’t there in reality. Those ten pounds that the camera is adding aren’t really there, not like the baby weight that I gained when the girls were coming along and born. I was more than happy to support Donna in some of those pregnancy cravings, but I didn’t have her metabolism after the baby came. But I digress.

What I have learned is how we need to be careful who we listen to. There are people in our lives that we probably need to listen to, as they reflect back to us what they see and hear as they live with us. There are also others we are not well served to listen to. Some people put things on us and describe things that aren’t truly indicative of who we are. In the worst situations, it is done intentionally, although some people can do it without being aware. Some of us have had to deal with a parent or a spouse who was verbally abusive and ran us down all the time. Others of us have been blessed by friends and family who have always expressed love for who we are. We need to listen and discern what is worth listening to and what we need to tune out.

In our spiritual lives, one thing to remember is that God sees us for who we truly are and loves us. All the measuring sticks that come from our faith should be based in love. God’s love should never make us feel bad about ourselves, yet it doesn’t mean we should avoid looking in the mirror now and again. We need to be able to acknowledge what we see and own our own shortcomings and faults. What we don’t want is a faith life that adds ten pounds, or twenty, or fifty. The life-giving love of Christ relieves us of burdens, it doesn’t add to them.  

The goal is that we learn what to pay attention to and what to let go. There are times we have spinach in our teeth or hair out of place and looking in the mirror helps us clean up and get straightened out before we leave the house. Our faith is like that; it’s there to help us figure out how to get on track and become who God has always intended us to be. Be choosy about who you listen to, and don’t give time or energy to the things that belittle you and make you less that the person God created.